I am Sarah!

What an amazing and very liberating weekend. Laura, Sam and I gathered up our stuff, packed some food and went to the beach at the north end of Diefenbaker Lake. What some will know as Danielson Provincial park. The intent in this trip was to go see a part of Saskatchewan that Laura had yet to experience as well as to spend a day in the sun (and shade) and just enjoy the sand and the water. After all, this lake had more than 500 miles of shoreline to enjoy.

I wanted to go and was hesitant in my selection of clothing. Last year on a beach at Chitek Lake north of Spiritwood I wore a tank top and shorts. This year I wore a bikini and a mesh top which was soon removed. After sunscreen was applied, especially to the inked areas. I lay on the beach just in my triangle top bikini and enjoy the sun’s warmth. I would wander down to the water as well and enjoyed the freedom. I did have many thoughts in the back of my mind but soon decided that I was here, close to nude as I could be and that is the way it would be.

I did converse with an elder first nations woman who was there with her grandchildren and felt accepted and comfortable. It was a most liberating and amazing feeling to experience. I was virtually on the edge of tears. I did need to get out of the sun for a bit so wandered up to the grassy area and meditated under the shade of a spruce tree. Birds were chirping, a Robin landed nearby and found a for morsels of food.

This was a step I needed to do for me alone and I am glad I did. When we got back to the car and another peaceful grassy area we sat down to have some lunch and enjoy each other. Same was running about and tried to catch a bird but Laura and I both knew it would never happen. I did ask Laura if she would photograph me in my bikini laying on the grass and she seemed most happy to. I tried a few positions on my own but let her call the shots as she was the photographer after all.

Sometime later I took a look at what Laura had captured and how she edited them. One stuck out in my mind the most and I felt an emotional wave run through my body. As I looked through the images and in a moment of time, I felt the woman I had become emerge even further from the fortress that surrounded her. A major hurdle in my life had been overcome and I am Sarah!