I am an individual...

Proud and wary...

 Through imagery I have helped others to discover the beauty I see in them through my eyes. Be it known that my vision is dwindling and I am more and more finding myself unable to do what so many take for granted. Imagery is part of my salvation. Along with music, an active mind and of course family, friends, Laura and Samuel I find life full and bright despite my inability to see well. Through the lens I see so much more. It makes no difference to me what someone looks like but when I see a glint in one’s eye or the way they talk, smile or even walk, I see what is beyond the obvious and find the heart and soul that beats within.

It was another photographic artist to bring to light what she sees. More so, what she saw in my. I was surprised, shocked and in one image brought to tears. Looking for what I would see in someone she brought on a whole different look and approach to it all. Yes I helped a little but only on a technical end. The art, the compassion and realization was all from with in Meighan. Drawing on her own pain as I do... she discovered much more of me than I realized.

In one image I could see a somewhat proud attitude. The powerhouse of a woman I have apparently become. With attitude that says I am confident and wise, I am not to be trifled with. The next image that took my soul and shook it like an earthquake showed the pain that I had lived with for so many years and I wept. I had found who I truly am, and fell in love all over again. For decades I lived with a person who was not truly happy unless imagery was involved. That was the moment in time that the real me was allowed to breath.

The pain still shows.

Be that as it may, I felt what so many first time subjects felt when in the studio for the first time. Although I have photographed myself many times, the time in studio with another photographer opened my eyes considerably. I have since been asked to pose nude with another art model for a group in a Life Drawing session. I have known the model for many years and was truly honoured and humbled.

This is my life and I am an individual...

Is there a start or end?

When writing a blog... where does one start or end? How often should a person draft a post? No one can answer those questions other than the writer. There was a time when I made nearly daily entries... over 1000 in 3 years but that sad existence is gone now and a new life is well underway. I have tried to go back to sort out when I figured things out and when I began to let people know what was on the horizon.
 

One life gone in favour of a new and authentic one.

 So with that in mind I put together a chronological list of events but I won’t bore you with that. Needless to say I quietly celebrated my 6^th birthday this past October. Many things have happened since I first sorted out a rather chaotic thought process and most recently with conversation and messages with my massage therapist, I have sorted out even more of my life’s mysteries. Without friends like her, my esthetician, and the loving support from Laura I have moved further and quicker into my life. I can include a number of “soul” friends from the Pacific Rim all the way to a wee island in the Atlantic in those benefactors and treasure their existence deep within my heart.

 

I bared my soul and body to the world.

There have been changes in my body which I love and a few I don’t but I still embrace my entire being as I have learned to love myself and all that I am. Yes I curse random hair growth but who doesn’t so I do what I feel I need to in order to make it right... by my standards not by anyone else’s. I don’t care what others think and never will... it isn’t any of my business anyway. I dress for comfort and sometimes can be a little bit of a show-off but everyone is entitled. No one can tell me how to dress but I am open to suggestions. I do not fear openly shopping for clothes or asking for advice and I rather enjoy it.

 

Meditation or prayer for lost souls...

 There are several things on my mind as Remembrance Day is approaching but that is to be expected and I sometimes become very quiet and withdrawn. I plan my own schedule and sometimes that involves ripping out a few hairs (figuratively speaking) but when sorting out studio times, personal times and mix in with that social and studio travel and can be mind boggling. I still, much to the chagrin of some just wander off unannounced and without a solid plan but that has been my way for a few decades now. There are times I will be traveling with Laura and Sam, and other times not. If I am on a studio trip, my mind is solely on the purpose of the journey. But... when I want to go exploring then I will drag anyone along that wants to go.

 My vision is at a stage where my travel (by car) for any reason is limited and I find that extremely frustrating and even a little depressing. I work my way through those stages of depression one moment at a time. Knowing I will once again find the waters of the Pacific and have already planned another journey to a small group of islands in the Atlantic. There were times I would drive for 16 -18 hours in a single day just to reach a destination sooner... thereby having more time where I want, where I need to be. But more on that later...

Be well, be kind to each other and be blessed...