Thursday, 10 October 2019

Social Media, The FInal Chapter...

I have been without Facebook for two years and a little more than a week ago I dumped Instagram. I did leave fair warning on both and let people know if they didn’t have my number or proper email then send me a note and I would give them the information. Too many people have become to rely on social media and such to maintain contact with friends and even relatives. Well, social media does what it is designed to do it seems. Either by design or by fate I really don’t know. To me, social media is walking into a store or restaurant and seeing someone there you know and saying hello, to their faces. Shake their hands, give them a hug whatever...

So, with my leaving social media as it is I gave people a chance to maintain contact. Since leaving the realm of a fantasy online world of likes, love and meme wonders, I have theoretically lost about 400 friends and have literally cleaned the contact list on my “cellular device” of over 40 people. My online phone usage has gone down about 5gig a month, my screen time is down and my image production and research is up about 150%. When I left Instagram a photo subject was concerned that she had no one to tag in the images she posted that I had captured. Well... mention my name in a comment then.

I am thinking that was beyond her comprehension so... bye-bye.

One thing I have noted since leaving the fakery of FB and IG was a rekindling love for my keyboard (piano) as well as books, a closer to thee feeling with my fiancé and meeting a wonderful couple who are becoming an integral part of my life. It is amazing how much was being missed and how work had suffered and so on. Sorry folks, you either send me an email or pick up the damned phone and call me. Is that too hard? I randomly send a text to someone every day and a lot of the time it was at the most perfect moment.

Anyway, My work continues within the realm of the shadow, looking at some fun bodyscape work through the winter as well as developing a certain and ancient source of light to a more modern useable form to use in my imagery. I was once told that I was a Master of Light. Recently I embraced that. Now the teacher who was once a student now becomes the teacher once again.

Walk with me along the shadows edge, take my hand as we drift into the darkness and I will take yours as we regain the light.

Wednesday, 17 July 2019

An Island with Soul...

There is an island in the Pacific. My spirit sometimes ventures there and I know my soul mixes with the souls of friends that reside along its shores. I am drawn to this place and due to other travel I was unable to go in 2018 and I felt it. The loss, the emptiness the pain that I felt spiritually was undeniable and could not be ignored. When I shared stories of these journeys with Laura I could see her eyes widen and through this conversation plans were made to go this past May. The trip was too short but it was a trip that calmed the savage beast within.

Makaila - The calming soul.
This was a special treat as my two traveling companions had never seen the Rocky Mountains from this point of view. Never mind the opportunity to sail on a ship (ok a ferry) and experiencing some of the island magic and spirituality. Plans for a trip to the east coast in September were changed when unsettled conditions at the destination came up so, alternate plans were put in motion for another return to my personal land of salvation. The land of the Pacific Rim otherwise known as Vancouver Island

I have found new creative energies sitting on a rock above the ocean shoreline. Listening to the gentle waves lapping on the sand and feeling incredibly small when I watch the huge waves crash into the shores. Small, as they are huge but knowing the ability of these walls of water to destroy things but at the same time carving wonderful landscape features over a millennia of time. It is from these energies of mother earth that I feel my spirit becoming refreshed and given new life. 

The Reptilian Goddess

It is there that I met the “Reptilian Goddess”, The evilest of mermaids, a pixie like elf at the castle of the Goblin King, the Warrior Maiden and many other forest creatures who welcomed my presence and shared their stories with me. They allowed me into their realm to see and feel the magic knowing I would keep their secrets but share their images. My memories and some photographs as well as a rock were the only things I was allowed to remove from the magical places. I will respect their privacy with absolute honour.

At one with her magical rain forest.

I move on now and cleanse my life of the further “Diva” drama I am experiencing within the local model community and will make a few phone calls to properly break ties with those I choose to leave behind.

Peace be with you all, and may your spirits soar high in the skies.

Much love...

Sunday, 7 July 2019

I am Sarah!

What an amazing and very liberating weekend. Laura, Sam and I gathered up our stuff, packed some food and went to the beach at the north end of Diefenbaker Lake. What some will know as Danielson Provincial park. The intent in this trip was to go see a part of Saskatchewan that Laura had yet to experience as well as to spend a day in the sun (and shade) and just enjoy the sand and the water. After all, this lake had more than 500 miles of shoreline to enjoy.

I wanted to go and was hesitant in my selection of clothing. Last year on a beach at Chitek Lake north of Spiritwood I wore a tank top and shorts. This year I wore a bikini and a mesh top which was soon removed. After sunscreen was applied, especially to the inked areas. I lay on the beach just in my triangle top bikini and enjoy the sun’s warmth. I would wander down to the water as well and enjoyed the freedom. I did have many thoughts in the back of my mind but soon decided that I was here, close to nude as I could be and that is the way it would be.

I did converse with an elder first nations woman who was there with her grandchildren and felt accepted and comfortable. It was a most liberating and amazing feeling to experience. I was virtually on the edge of tears. I did need to get out of the sun for a bit so wandered up to the grassy area and meditated under the shade of a spruce tree. Birds were chirping, a Robin landed nearby and found a for morsels of food.

This was a step I needed to do for me alone and I am glad I did. When we got back to the car and another peaceful grassy area we sat down to have some lunch and enjoy each other. Same was running about and tried to catch a bird but Laura and I both knew it would never happen. I did ask Laura if she would photograph me in my bikini laying on the grass and she seemed most happy to. I tried a few positions on my own but let her call the shots as she was the photographer after all.

Sometime later I took a look at what Laura had captured and how she edited them. One stuck out in my mind the most and I felt an emotional wave run through my body. As I looked through the images and in a moment of time, I felt the woman I had become emerge even further from the fortress that surrounded her. A major hurdle in my life had been overcome and I am Sarah!

Monday, 1 July 2019

Social Media... Be gone!!

I have undertaken to remove things that hinder my progress in life and my art. There was a time when all I had was my blog and my webpage. With that I also had time to work, play and be a human being. I ditched Facebook nearly two years ago and don’t miss it or its drama, hunger for likes and all the other bullshit that was there. The same goes for Instagram.

On the studio IG page there were handy links which included my webpage, proper email address and even my telephone number but everyone chose to ignore that and expect a message sent through Instagram would get to me in a timely manor. Only problem was I didn’t pay a lot of attention to the messages and they would sit for a day or two. I even sent a list of studio dates to a potential subject only to see it unread 10 days later. Once they actually replied that date they wanted was booked and they had the gall to accuse me of not taking the initiative. Needless to say they are totally gone as far as I am concerned and a “report” has been filed with the photographer’s black list.

I move on, free of the time wasted on social media and back to life as it was. Deal with it people, my email and phone number are plainly listed for all to see.

Now to brush the cat...

Friday, 4 January 2019

Moving on to the future...

I have watched the photographic industry die in Saskatoon. As a fellow artist pointed out the very essence of a collaboration has changed and now becomes a commercial advertisement of some sort. When to me (and to several others of us here in Saskatoon) the word collaboration means and still does: Where two or more people get together and plan and work out the details of a project (artistic etc) and come together to bring it to fruition. Hopefully succeeding but knowing that failure could also be part of it. If you fail, you sort out what went wrong and try again.

There are several so called “agencies” in Saskatoon. The 
model will pay a fee and hopefully get some kind of paying work out of the arrangement. Well... to me being an agent or signing with an agency means you have something they are looking for and you shouldn’t be paying a fee, the agent should be paying you a percentage of whatever income you help bring in. Anyway, this along with those people who simply cannot commit or live up to the arrangement made which includes not showing up or calling at the last minute because their grandma died again, has virtually killed this city for any creative collaborations.

The future of photo modelling has gone off on a tangent and if it weren’t for a select few then I would simply move on. With “flakes” on all sides as well as unlawfully operated agencies, studios and such that do not have a license (city and provincial) and don’t pay taxes (provincial and federal) I don’t need the drama nor bullsh-t and am beginning not to tolerate it. Will I report the lawbreakers?


I have been asked why I travel to the west coast as often as I do. Well the answer is simple. The artists in Vancouver and on Vancouver Island are a dedicated group and will work together with me and other photographers, artists etc to bring a simple idea to life. A true meaning of collaboration is alive and well. Everyone will listen to what others have to offer and their noses are not stuck up into the air like there are at home. Along the way there is some really fantastic scenery and that helps in the journey.

I may seem to be a bit bitter but I am not really as I have better things to do. Working with a small cluster of real people, my work and research my work will continue. So will my reading, music (playing and composing) sketching and more. My studio will continue to operate working on collaborative and personal projects as well as Photographic Therapies and so on. I will free up even more time by eliminating most social media (Facebook and the studio Facebook pages) but Instagram will be maintained.

I am done with many things but those who are real and dedicated will walk with me and a handful of others from coast to coast proudly into the future. 

This blog will serve as the medium I choose to share my work and imagery.

Friday, 30 November 2018

I am an individual...

Proud and wary...

 Through imagery I have helped others to discover the beauty I see in them through my eyes. Be it known that my vision is dwindling and I am more and more finding myself unable to do what so many take for granted. Imagery is part of my salvation. Along with music, an active mind and of course family, friends, Laura and Samuel I find life full and bright despite my inability to see well. Through the lens I see so much more. It makes no difference to me what someone looks like but when I see a glint in one’s eye or the way they talk, smile or even walk, I see what is beyond the obvious and find the heart and soul that beats within.

It was another photographic artist to bring to light what she sees. More so, what she saw in my. I was surprised, shocked and in one image brought to tears. Looking for what I would see in someone she brought on a whole different look and approach to it all. Yes I helped a little but only on a technical end. The art, the compassion and realization was all from with in Meighan. Drawing on her own pain as I do... she discovered much more of me than I realized.

In one image I could see a somewhat proud attitude. The powerhouse of a woman I have apparently become. With attitude that says I am confident and wise, I am not to be trifled with. The next image that took my soul and shook it like an earthquake showed the pain that I had lived with for so many years and I wept. I had found who I truly am, and fell in love all over again. For decades I lived with a person who was not truly happy unless imagery was involved. That was the moment in time that the real me was allowed to breath.

The pain still shows.
Be that as it may, I felt what so many first time subjects felt when in the studio for the first time. Although I have photographed myself many times, the time in studio with another photographer opened my eyes considerably. I have since been asked to pose nude with another art model for a group in a Life Drawing session. I have known the model for many years and was truly honoured and humbled.

This is my life and I am an individual...

Monday, 5 November 2018

Is there a start or end?

When writing a blog... where does one start or end? How often should a person draft a post? No one can answer those questions other than the writer. There was a time when I made nearly daily entries... over 1000 in 3 years but that sad existence is gone now and a new life is well underway. I have tried to go back to sort out when I figured things out and when I began to let people know what was on the horizon.
One life gone in favour of a new and authentic one.

 So with that in mind I put together a chronological list of events but I won’t bore you with that. Needless to say I quietly celebrated my 6th birthday this past October. Many things have happened since I first sorted out a rather chaotic thought process and most recently with conversation and messages with my massage therapist, I have sorted out even more of my life’s mysteries. Without friends like her, my esthetician, and the loving support from Laura I have moved further and quicker into my life. I can include a number of “soul” friends from the Pacific Rim all the way to a wee island in the Atlantic in those benefactors and treasure their existence deep within my heart.
I bared my soul and body to the world.
There have been changes in my body which I love and a few I don’t but I still embrace my entire being as I have learned to love myself and all that I am. Yes I curse random hair growth but who doesn’t so I do what I feel I need to in order to make it right... by my standards not by anyone else’s. I don’t care what others think and never will... it isn’t any of my business anyway. I dress for comfort and sometimes can be a little bit of a show-off but everyone is entitled. No one can tell me how to dress but I am open to suggestions. I do not fear openly shopping for clothes or asking for advice and I rather enjoy it.

Meditation or prayer for lost souls...

 There are several things on my mind as Remembrance Day is approaching but that is to be expected and I sometimes become very quiet and withdrawn. I plan my own schedule and sometimes that involves ripping out a few hairs (figuratively speaking) but when sorting out studio times, personal times and mix in with that social and studio travel and can be mind boggling. I still, much to the chagrin of some just wander off unannounced and without a solid plan but that has been my way for a few decades now. There are times I will be traveling with Laura and Sam, and other times not. If I am on a studio trip, my mind is solely on the purpose of the journey. But... when I want to go exploring then I will drag anyone along that wants to go.

 My vision is at a stage where my travel (by car) for any reason is limited and I find that extremely frustrating and even a little depressing. I work my way through those stages of depression one moment at a time. Knowing I will once again find the waters of the Pacific and have already planned another journey to a small group of islands in the Atlantic. There were times I would drive for 16 -18 hours in a single day just to reach a destination sooner... thereby having more time where I want, where I need to be. But more on that later...

Be well, be kind to each other and be blessed...