Reworking life and passions...

 Life is weird and has changed so much since March. Since the pandemic began my fiancée, her son and I have moved into a nice quiet townhouse to begin a new and interesting life together. It is with love that most of this has been accomplished. Yes, there has been stressful moments, tears and anxiety, we have managed to pull through most of that and have found a modicum of tranquil moments in our little bubble.

 

 

 

We are both outgoing in our own ways but we are also introverted in an extroverted way. While some of our “life” is in a kind of bad weather holding pattern, we both know that when the so called weather clears up that some things will slowly come back and if they don’t then so be it. We have a whole country to explore and a life to build together. It has some struggles and other “life events” that will be worked through but it will be done together and with love for each other and those around us.

 

 

 

 

 

 My studio work is on an indefinite hold and am trying to sort out a variety of safe ways I can carry on with some of my key subjects but that is not easy as some of them have fairly carefree approaches to life. That is fine and I will deal with it all as I move along, if I do. I have a number of images which I am reworking along with technical data and the usual story-line so that I have a continuous line that will have some sense to it. To be quite frank I have a hard time believing that anyone else can continue in this industry without major changes and so far I see a lot of guidelines being ignored all for the sake of an image.

 

 

 

I am hoping to post more here as well as imagery that reflects my work among other things. It has been a trial to find the motivation and drive to carry on in many respects but careful thought, planning, love and support as well as copious amounts of Hickory Sticks has all helped.

Christmas is approaching and for all of us it will be very different. We have no idea what health department guidelines will dictate as far as family being together. But I fear that many will be alone this year with no place to go. It is heartbreaking in many ways for me but I do know I will be with my little family here and really don’t know what the rest of the day will bring.

My father was a guiding spirit at Christmas and I believe he still is in some spiritual way. It is never far back in my mind and I still remember his smooth voice singing carols in church on Christmas Eve. He still had the voice of an angel despite losing most of his hearing.

I will always celebrate the season in my own way with music, the thought of Christ and hoping for peace and good will for all.

What to do? Decide carefully grasshopper...

With the most recent and dramatic increases of those affected by the COVID-19 virus and in the manner in which a lot of these infections were spread (Bars, nightclubs, Gospel Retreats). I am faced with some very difficult decisions when it comes to the studio, my creative work and so on.

Do I continue or do I stop all together after just making the decision to slowly reopen things up?

I completed a sitting with a close friend in Prince Albert this past August when things were much quieter and it felt amazing. I am struggling through some of the images but have a firm grasp on the direction I wish to go. I did some experimental imagery with my fiancée and see several directions that I can head.

Now the biggest issue I have is do I bring someone into the studio? There are a few subjects I feel a need to work with and had hoped to do so but that looks less and less possible. With the recent numbers and the recent travel of two of the subjects, I just do not feel entirely confident in the safety of anyone. Despite certain measures I could take I am still uneasy.

My Dad / Microbiologist 

 

 My brother came in from Vancouver Island to see our mother. We agreed to not connect on a physical level to maintain small bubbles and our Mom went into self-isolation after he left. This is how protective I can be of the bubble I do have with my own family and coming from a medical background I will not favour doing anything to “burst” that fragile membrane. With all that in mind as well as the current batch of covidiots and just stupid people out there I am not at all comfortable with any indoor studio work.

 

 

Do I simply shut down or what do I do? No one but me can answer that question and it is causing me some grief and a good deal of anguish. I will sort through all of my options and make a few long range decisions but for now it is the close range that I am most concerned with.

With all of that in mind I shall simply work with what images I do have and see if I can’t complete some of the projects. I will also loosely plan for future studio work but in all seriousness I am not that hopeful.

So, in closing this entry I want to wish everyone good luck, be kind to one another and follow the guidelines as set out, you all know them. Any further postings, news and such will be dispersed through this blog as it feels like the right time to close the remaining bit of “can’t live without” social media in the next few weeks. It just isn’t doing it for me. It has been over a year since my last posting here, That needs to change.

Be kind to each other, we are all on separate journeys overshadowed by a situation caused by idiots.

 

 

Social Media, The FInal Chapter...

I have been without Facebook for two years and a little more than a week ago I dumped Instagram. I did leave fair warning on both and let people know if they didn’t have my number or proper email then send me a note and I would give them the information. Too many people have become to rely on social media and such to maintain contact with friends and even relatives. Well, social media does what it is designed to do it seems. Either by design or by fate I really don’t know. To me, social media is walking into a store or restaurant and seeing someone there you know and saying hello, to their faces. Shake their hands, give them a hug whatever...

So, with my leaving social media as it is I gave people a chance to maintain contact. Since leaving the realm of a fantasy online world of likes, love and meme wonders, I have theoretically lost about 400 friends and have literally cleaned the contact list on my “cellular device” of over 40 people. My online phone usage has gone down about 5gig a month, my screen time is down and my image production and research is up about 150%. When I left Instagram a photo subject was concerned that she had no one to tag in the images she posted that I had captured. Well... mention my name in a comment then.

I am thinking that was beyond her comprehension so... bye-bye.

One thing I have noted since leaving the fakery of FB and IG was a rekindling love for my keyboard (piano) as well as books, a closer to thee feeling with my fiancé and meeting a wonderful couple who are becoming an integral part of my life. It is amazing how much was being missed and how work had suffered and so on. Sorry folks, you either send me an email or pick up the damned phone and call me. Is that too hard? I randomly send a text to someone every day and a lot of the time it was at the most perfect moment.

Anyway, My work continues within the realm of the shadow, looking at some fun bodyscape work through the winter as well as developing a certain and ancient source of light to a more modern useable form to use in my imagery. I was once told that I was a Master of Light. Recently I embraced that. Now the teacher who was once a student now becomes the teacher once again.

Walk with me along the shadows edge, take my hand as we drift into the darkness and I will take yours as we regain the light.

An Island with Soul...

There is an island in the Pacific. My spirit sometimes ventures there and I know my soul mixes with the souls of friends that reside along its shores. I am drawn to this place and due to other travel I was unable to go in 2018 and I felt it. The loss, the emptiness the pain that I felt spiritually was undeniable and could not be ignored. When I shared stories of these journeys with Laura I could see her eyes widen and through this conversation plans were made to go this past May. The trip was too short but it was a trip that calmed the savage beast within.

Makaila - The calming soul.

This was a special treat as my two traveling companions had never seen the Rocky Mountains from this point of view. Never mind the opportunity to sail on a ship (ok a ferry) and experiencing some of the island magic and spirituality. Plans for a trip to the east coast in September were changed when unsettled conditions at the destination came up so, alternate plans were put in motion for another return to my personal land of salvation. The land of the Pacific Rim otherwise known as Vancouver Island

I have found new creative energies sitting on a rock above the ocean shoreline. Listening to the gentle waves lapping on the sand and feeling incredibly small when I watch the huge waves crash into the shores. Small, as they are huge but knowing the ability of these walls of water to destroy things but at the same time carving wonderful landscape features over a millennia of time. It is from these energies of mother earth that I feel my spirit becoming refreshed and given new life. 

The Reptilian Goddess

It is there that I met the “Reptilian Goddess”, The evilest of mermaids, a pixie like elf at the castle of the Goblin King, the Warrior Maiden and many other forest creatures who welcomed my presence and shared their stories with me. They allowed me into their realm to see and feel the magic knowing I would keep their secrets but share their images. My memories and some photographs as well as a rock were the only things I was allowed to remove from the magical places. I will respect their privacy with absolute honour.

At one with her magical rain forest.

I move on now and cleanse my life of the further “Diva” drama I am experiencing within the local model community and will make a few phone calls to properly break ties with those I choose to leave behind.

Peace be with you all, and may your spirits soar high in the skies.

Much love...

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I am Sarah!

What an amazing and very liberating weekend. Laura, Sam and I gathered up our stuff, packed some food and went to the beach at the north end of Diefenbaker Lake. What some will know as Danielson Provincial park. The intent in this trip was to go see a part of Saskatchewan that Laura had yet to experience as well as to spend a day in the sun (and shade) and just enjoy the sand and the water. After all, this lake had more than 500 miles of shoreline to enjoy.

I wanted to go and was hesitant in my selection of clothing. Last year on a beach at Chitek Lake north of Spiritwood I wore a tank top and shorts. This year I wore a bikini and a mesh top which was soon removed. After sunscreen was applied, especially to the inked areas. I lay on the beach just in my triangle top bikini and enjoy the sun’s warmth. I would wander down to the water as well and enjoyed the freedom. I did have many thoughts in the back of my mind but soon decided that I was here, close to nude as I could be and that is the way it would be.

I did converse with an elder first nations woman who was there with her grandchildren and felt accepted and comfortable. It was a most liberating and amazing feeling to experience. I was virtually on the edge of tears. I did need to get out of the sun for a bit so wandered up to the grassy area and meditated under the shade of a spruce tree. Birds were chirping, a Robin landed nearby and found a for morsels of food.

This was a step I needed to do for me alone and I am glad I did. When we got back to the car and another peaceful grassy area we sat down to have some lunch and enjoy each other. Same was running about and tried to catch a bird but Laura and I both knew it would never happen. I did ask Laura if she would photograph me in my bikini laying on the grass and she seemed most happy to. I tried a few positions on my own but let her call the shots as she was the photographer after all.

Sometime later I took a look at what Laura had captured and how she edited them. One stuck out in my mind the most and I felt an emotional wave run through my body. As I looked through the images and in a moment of time, I felt the woman I had become emerge even further from the fortress that surrounded her. A major hurdle in my life had been overcome and I am Sarah!

Social Media... Be gone!!

I have undertaken to remove things that hinder my progress in life and my art. There was a time when all I had was my blog and my webpage. With that I also had time to work, play and be a human being. I ditched Facebook nearly two years ago and don’t miss it or its drama, hunger for likes and all the other bullshit that was there. The same goes for Instagram.

On the studio IG page there were handy links which included my webpage, proper email address and even my telephone number but everyone chose to ignore that and expect a message sent through Instagram would get to me in a timely manor. Only problem was I didn’t pay a lot of attention to the messages and they would sit for a day or two. I even sent a list of studio dates to a potential subject only to see it unread 10 days later. Once they actually replied that date they wanted was booked and they had the gall to accuse me of not taking the initiative. Needless to say they are totally gone as far as I am concerned and a “report” has been filed with the photographer’s black list.

I move on, free of the time wasted on social media and back to life as it was. Deal with it people, my email and phone number are plainly listed for all to see.

Now to brush the cat...

Moving on to the future...

I have watched the photographic industry die in Saskatoon. As a fellow artist pointed out the very essence of a collaboration has changed and now becomes a commercial advertisement of some sort. When to me (and to several others of us here in Saskatoon) the word collaboration means and still does: Where two or more people get together and plan and work out the details of a project (artistic etc) and come together to bring it to fruition. Hopefully succeeding but knowing that failure could also be part of it. If you fail, you sort out what went wrong and try again.

 

There are several so called “agencies” in Saskatoon. The 

model will pay a fee and hopefully get some kind of paying work out of the arrangement. Well... to me being an agent or signing with an agency means you have something they are looking for and you shouldn’t be paying a fee, the agent should be paying you a percentage of whatever income you help bring in. Anyway, this along with those people who simply cannot commit or live up to the arrangement made which includes not showing up or calling at the last minute because their grandma died again, has virtually killed this city for any creative collaborations.

The future of photo modelling has gone off on a tangent and if it weren’t for a select few then I would simply move on. With “flakes” on all sides as well as unlawfully operated agencies, studios and such that do not have a license (city and provincial) and don’t pay taxes (provincial and federal) I don’t need the drama nor bullsh-t and am beginning not to tolerate it. Will I report the lawbreakers?

Maybe...

I have been asked why I travel to the west coast as often as I do. Well the answer is simple. The artists in Vancouver and on Vancouver Island are a dedicated group and will work together with me and other photographers, artists etc to bring a simple idea to life. A true meaning of collaboration is alive and well. Everyone will listen to what others have to offer and their noses are not stuck up into the air like there are at home. Along the way there is some really fantastic scenery and that helps in the journey.

I may seem to be a bit bitter but I am not really as I have better things to do. Working with a small cluster of real people, my work and research my work will continue. So will my reading, music (playing and composing) sketching and more. My studio will continue to operate working on collaborative and personal projects as well as Photographic Therapies and so on. I will free up even more time by eliminating most social media (Facebook and the studio Facebook pages) but Instagram will be maintained.

I am done with many things but those who are real and dedicated will walk with me and a handful of others from coast to coast proudly into the future. 

This blog will serve as the medium I choose to share my work and imagery.